ANIMANIACS TRANSCRIPTIONS --- EPISODE #25 ========================================= DISASTERPIECE THEATRE --------------------- Animation: STARTOONS YAKKO: Good evening, I'm Yakko Warner. And I welcome you to Disasterpiece Theatre. [After disasters] Well, that's all for today. And now, an even bigger disaster, a show called 'Animaniacs'. MAIN TITLE ---------- Music: RICHARD STONE Lyrics: TOM RUEGGER Director: RICH ARONS Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA LTD. Theme song. [See AMLF 1.6, #1] Variable Verse: (Y,W,D): How ur-bane-y HERCULE YAKKO ------------- Written by: PETER HASTINGS Directed by: RUSTY MILLS and DAVE MARSHALL Animation : WANG FILM PRODUCTIONS SPHINX: {Egyptian music} MARITA: My diamond! My diamond!! FLAVIO: Which one? MARITA: The magnifique-icent Acme diamond that I was wearing. I've been rob-bed. FLAVIO: Don't worry my little dew drop, we'll find your diamond; for the thief must be on this very ship. MARITA: Not in first class, I hope! FLAVIO: They have come back for matching earings! PORTER: Please, it is I, your porter. I heard a scream, like this, FLAVIO: It was my wife. A thief had stolen a diamond from my fragile Marita. MARITA: I have been rob-bed. PORTER: You're in luck, mademoiselle-madam; for on board this very ship is the greatest detective of all time. MARITA: You mean... COLUMBO:Uh just one more question... PORTER: No, actually I mean the great... YAKKO: Hercule Yakko! May I introduce my assistants... Dr. Wakko, and Number 1 Sister. {Song break} [see AMLF 1.6, #38] FLAVIO: Are you an inspector of the yard? YAKKO: Not if you have a dog. {Sad Song. The one that might be "Hearts & Flowers"} MARITA: Can you help us M. Yakko? CAN YOU? CAN YOU? YAKKO: Dr. Wakko, give this woman something to calm her down. {sci-fi music} MARITA: YAKKO: You can rest assured that I am this close to solving the crime. FLAVIO: But Monsieur, you don't know what the crime is. YAKKO: Details, details. Number 1 Sister, dust for prints. Dr. Wakko, it could be a long night. Better order some pizzas. {Shortnin' Bread} WAKKO: I'd like 42 pizzas, 6 with no crust. YAKKO: Now,do you have any enemies? F & M: No. YAKKO: Do you have any creditors? F & M: No. YAKKO: Well then, do you have any requests? [Liberace mode] Thank you so much. Way down Jack upon the Nile River, Jack. {Swanee River} DOT: I found Prince! YAKKO: No, no, no. Fingerprints! DOT: I don't think so. YAKKO: Now, tell me exactly what happened. MARITA: My diamond was stolen. PORTER: And I heard a scream, like this YAKKO: I see. Did you get all that? DOT: Her diamond was stolen, and then there was a scream like this PORTER: No, it was more like this YAKKO: I see. Like this PORTER: Yes. MARITA: That's when I realized that I had been rob-bed. YAKKO: And which one are you, Rob or Ed? FLAVIO: Gasp! MARITA: Gasp! YAKKO: Quick, everyone, give me your wallets, your money, your valuables. MARITA: Do you think it's the thief? YAKKO: No, I think it's the pizza. C. BOO: B'Gark. {Farm music} WAKKO: He was odd. DOT: He was strange. PORTER: He was a chicken, I tell you. A giant chicken! YAKKO: We must search for the thief. Bring out the hounds. {A-hunting we will go} [To the hounds] Follow this scent. {Light Cavalry Overture} Mush! Mush! DOT: That was pointless. YAKKO: It's time to question the other passengers. I'd like you all to wait for me in the State Room. Dr. Wakko, I want you to search the room, and put all the clues in this bag. [Yakko knocks on door] SLAPPY: WHAT?! YAKKO: I am Hercule Yakko, a sleuth. SLAPPY: Yeah, well I'm Slappy Squirrel, asleep! {Slappy's theme} [Yakko knocks on door] YAKKO: There's been a robbery on board. Have you seen anything...strange? SLAPPY: I saw Wally Gator slam dance with a Smurf. Is that strange enough for ya? YAKKO: Have you heard a scream? SLAPPY: Like this? YAKKO: Yes. SLAPPY: NO! [Yakko knocks on another door] VOICE: Who is it? YAKKO: Good evening, I'm...in love. {sexy music} WAKKO: I'll handle this. There's been a.... {Minerva's Theme} Y & W: HELLOOO Nurse!!! DOT: BOYS. MINERVA:No control. DOT: Anyway, have you seen this diamond? MINERVA: {Anvil Chorus} DOT: It's hard being the strong one. HUNK: Hi babe. DOT: Hellooo Nurse!!! {Stars and Stripes Forever} [Knock on still another door] BRAIN: Yes! YAKKO: Did you steal a big diamond? {PatB theme} BRAIN: No. We are Swiss hikers on holiday. PINKY: Look at me Brain, I'm Heidi. Yodel-lay-hee-NARF! [Brain smashes him] MARITA: Monsieur Yakko, any luck? YAKKO: There's only one person on board this ship who could've taken tha diamond. Unfortunately, I have no idea who that is. MARITA: {Sob Song} YAKKO: I know the location of the diamond. Assemble all the passengers in the State Room! DOT: Heh heh. I see, it's the "Night at the Opera" bit. Funny bit. Uh-huh-huh-heh. YAKKO: You're probably all wondering why I called you here. PORTER, FLAVIO, MARITA, SLAPPY, MINERVA, PINKY, & BRAIN: To reveal the thief? YAKKO: No. It's because you can't play charades with three people. SLAPPY: That's it! I'm going back to bed. MINERVA:So am I. I didn't take the diamond. BRAIN: I also am innocent. PINKY: Umm, I may have done it. I walk in my sleep, you know. YAKKO: In fact, none of you stole the diamond! FLAVIO: That is outrageous! MARITA: You fraud! You sham! Calling us liars. FLAVIO: You said you'd get to the bottom of this! YAKKO: My friends, the diamond is *here*! And we're going to turn this room upside-down to prove it. Siblings.... Aha! I found it! Madam, you were sitting on the diamond the whole time! [Aside] I told you I'd get to the bottom of this. {Rita and Runt Intro} HOME ON DE-NILE --------------- Written by: STEPHEN HIBBERT Directed by: RUSTY MILLS Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA {More Egyptian music} RITA: Welcome to Palm Springs! RUNT: Are you sure? RITA: Of course it's Palm Springs. And if my calculations are correct, Sonny Bono's house is right over that sand dune. {She'll be coming 'round the mountain} RUNT: How come we're visiting Sonny Bono, Rita? Huh? How come? How come? RITA: Because he's rich, and he likes strays. {Where, oh where has my little dog gone?} RUNT: Yup, that's you and me. Definitely a couple of old stray dogs. RITA: If you don't tell him, I won't. {Carry Me Back to Ol' Virginny} [Upon arrival at the palace] I guess the royalties from "I Got You Babe" paid off. GUARDS: Charge! R & R: Aahhh! RITA: Sonny, is this really necessary? RUNT: Snarl, Grrrr, growl. GUARDS: We're not worthy! We're not worthy! RITA: Not bad behavior for humans. SERVANT:What about this kitty, my queen? CLEO: No! None of these cats are good enough to accompany us to the harvest festival, feast, and luau. Marc Antony, do something! ANTONY: I should spank you all. How about this one, my darling Cleopatra? CLEO: What a cluck you are! That's the worst cat of all! FURRBALL:Yooowll! CLEO: Auughh. ANTONY: My flower of the desert, my reason for continuing to breathe, there is not a single pussycat in all of Egypt that you like. What can I do? CLEO: Sing me a wittle song, hmmmm? SING! [Song break] ANTONY: Who's afraid of Cleopatra, Cleopatra, Cleopatra? Who's afraid of Cleopatra, tra-la-la-la-la-LA. [ed. note: this is not in the AMLF] CLEO: Everybody! Ha, ha, ha! GUARD: Your royal highness, this cat was found outside the palace wall. CLEO: Oh, it is surely a gift from the gods! {Runt theme} Marc Antony, take this filthy dog away! He's bothering my wonderful goddess. ANTONY: Come on boy. Do you want to work in the hot, blistering sun, and help build a huge, stone temple to Cleopatra and her new kitty? RITA: Smelt. My fave. {sexy-ish music} RUNT: [After helping out the slaves] {Runt theme} Gee, I hope Rita is having this much fun. RITA: Being a goddess ain't half bad. {song break} [see AMLF 1.6 #39] RUNT: Did you sing a song? I like it when you sing songs. RITA: Why me? RUNT: Living with Sonny Bono sure is good, Rita. You're smart, definitely smart. RITA: Uh-huh. RUNT: So today, I had a bunch of these boulders strapped to my back It was good, really, really good. RITA: HEY! Whaddya say we relax, and go to sleep? RUNT: {Brahm's Lullabye} RITA: What are you going to do? {Warners' Theme} RUNT: [Upon looking at the hieroglyphics] I love pretty pictures. Yeah I do, I-I do. RITA: When you're a member of the royal family, you make public appearances. It keeps the rabble in line. CLEO: Oh gods of harvest, we offer you a sacrifice to the eternal flame! CROWD: YEAH! RUNT: Rita sure is a pretty dog. Crowd: [After flame is lit] YEAH! RUNT: [After studying the hieroglyphics] Uh-oh. {??? music [not Runt's theme]} RITA: Whoof! I heard Palm Springs was hot, but pheh, this is ridiculous. [After being tossed, and caught] Excuse me, Runt, what are you doing? [After shot of crowd getting angry] Eh! RUNT: Saving your life. Yeah. Defi-definitely saving your life. RITA: Uh-huh. Runt, COULD WE GET THE LEAD OUT? {LZ's Kashmir} [Okay, they don't play Kashmir really, but they should have. And in my transcript, they do ;)] {They play Runt's theme, honestly} [After escaping] Okay, so Sonny Bono and his crowd turned out to be a little...well, crackers. But Vegas is around here someplace. We'll make a fortune at the casinos! Hey, after today, I'm feeling mighty lucky. RUNT: Don't worry, she's a good little dog, deep down inside. A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM -------------------------- Written by: DEANNA OLIVER Directed by: RUSTY MILLS Animation: TOKYO MOVIE SHINSHA ANNOUNCER: And now, the Warner Brothers, in a scene from William Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream," translated for those viewers, who, like Yakko, have no idea what he's saying. YAKKO: Hmmmph! DOT: Hehehehe. YAKKO: If we shadows have offended, think but this, and all is mended. DOT: If the actors on our show made you mad, it'll be okay if you look at it this way... YAKKO: That you have slumbered here while these visions did appear. DOT: You fell asleep on your butt, and dreamed the whole thing. YAKKO: And the weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream. DOT: There was a hole in the plot you could drive a truck through. {Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairies} YAKKO: Gentles, do not reprehend... DOT: Honeys, don't blame us, you could be watching Oprah. YAKKO: If you pardon, we'll amend. DOT: But we're sorry, and we promise that our next show will be full of funny skits. WAKKO: HELLOOO PIXIE!!! {still more sexy music} YAKKO: And, as I am an honest Puck; DOT: I'm not touching that one. YAKKO: If we have unearned luck, now to 'scape the serpent's tongue; DOT: What he said. YAKKO: We will make amends 'ere long. DOT: We'll buy you foot long hot dogs! YAKKO: Else the Puck a liar call, so goodnight unto you all. MWAH! DOT: Goodnight everybody! YAKKO: Give me your hands if we be friends. DOT: Applaud if you like us. [Yakko claps] {Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairies} YAKKO: And robin shall restore amends. DOT: And the Boy Wonder will save us. {Music from B:TAS and/or AB&R} PIXIE: Oh, what fools these Warners be! STARRING -------- Rob Paulsen.............Yakko, Pinky Jess Harnell............Wakko Tress Macneille.........Dot, Marita Frank Welkner...........Runt, Flavio Sherri Stoner...........Slappy Squirrel Maurice LaMarche........the Brain Julie Brown.............Minerva Mink and Bernadette Peters...as Rita Rug Merchant -- Katherine Page ---------------------------------------------------------- DOT: Set three extra places... Y,W,D: We're coming over for dinner! YAKKO: Except I'm allergic to anything with lactose in it. ---------------------------------------------------------- Copyright (C) 1993 Amblin Entertainment & Warner Bros. Animation All Rights Reserved (or some junk) Transcribed by the Evil Pirate Cap'n Rog