ANIMANIACS TRANSCRIPTIONS — EPISODE #40

MAIN TITLE

 

	"It's time for Animaniacs, And we're zany to the max! The whole song this transcript lacks; Why do you think we have FAQs? We're An-i-man-i, totally insan-ey,
DOT:	Come back, Shaney! Animaniacs!"

CLOWN AND OUT

 

PLOTZ:	Now, I--I'm well aware that Wakko can be extremely difficult at times; nevertheless, it is his birthday today, so I want you to go on up to the water-tower and surprise him. Do your little birthday show-skit thing.
CLOWN:	Oh! For the boy? Make a surprise? I just love makin' a surprise!
PLOTZ:	I-I-I-ah-I want you to go away now. You frighten me!
CLOWN:	You shouldn't be frightened of me, Mr. Man. I'm just a clown. Freungoldenlevenscheuld!
PLOTZ:	Yaaaaaagh!! Please, please, I'm begging you! Get out, go!
CLOWN:	Oh, poor Mr. Man. [Singing] "When you want to scream / Put away that frown / And never be scared of a clown! / Laugh on, laugh on, laugh on and on and on, / You'll never laugh alone!"
PLOTZ:	OUT, CLOWN! <Slam!>
PLOTZ:	...A clown is my friend.
DR. S.:	A clown will not bite me und throw me in the basement.
PLOTZ:	A clown will not bite me and throw me in the basement.
DR. S.:	A clown is not a big schpider.
PLOTZ:	A clown is not a big spider. I feel so silly. A grown man, scared of clowns! {O Mein Lieber Augustin}
DR. S.:	No, no! On the contrary. Many people have the fear of the clown. The pzychological term is 'clownophobia'. In fact, Wakko has one the most extreme cases of clownophobia I have ever seen.
PLOTZ:	Wakko?
DR. S.:	Ooh, ja, ja! Wakko's fear of clowns — his "clownophobia", if you will — is so great, that he becomes kooky, und extremely unpredictable. Whoo-hoo-hoo! I'd hate to see the clown that meets up with Wakko!
PLOTZ:	Uh-oh!
CLOWN:	[Singing] "When the whippoorwill / Whippers in the wind / The wind can whipper back / Oh nice and chubby baby!"
WAKKO:	Okkay, I'm it! 1...3...7...10...15...20...25...30...35...40...um, 45...50...55...60...65...70...75...80...85...90...95...100! Ready or not, here I come! <Ding-dong> I'll get it! Can I help you?
CLOWN:	Happy birthday, nice puppy-boy!!
WAKKO:	CLOWN!! <SLAM!>
CLOWN:	That hurt my face. <Ding-dong>
WAKKO:	CLOWN!! <Ding-dong>
CLOWN:	Oh little puppy-boyyy!
WAKKO:	Go away! You scare me!
CLOWN:	Me? I make with fright? I scare? [Music starts up] "When you want to scream / Put away that frown / And never be scared of -<WALLOP!>- a clown! / Laugh on and on and ooooooooooooooooonnn--!!!" I wish the ground was mushy and soft.
CLOWN:	"When the Whippoorwill / Whippers in the wind / The wind can whipper back / Oh nice and chubby baby!" <Ding-dong!> Oh little boy! Come out! But don't with the mallet hurt! ... I'll make balloon aminals!
WAKKO:	Go away, clown man! {The Aminal Fair}
CLOWN:	[Blowing] Hoyl, look, a little kitty-cat! Meowy, meow!
WAKKO:	Go away!
DOT:	Why is it taking Wakko so long to find us?
YAKKO:	Beats me. {The Animal Fair}
CLOWN:	A puppy! Hello, I'm a puppy, barklevenwoof!
WAKKO:	[From inside] Can you make a little cannon?
CLOWN:	Yeah, I think so... {1812 Overture} There! A cannon! <BOOM> It blowed up at me.
PLOTZ:	Whoa-hoo-hoo boy! He really got the clown that time!!
CLOWN:	Oy, I gotta go home!
PLOTZ:	Hey, where do you think you're going, Clown? I paid you to do an hour show!
CLOWN:	But the puppy-boy! He hurts with the mallet and the balloon — boom!
PLOTZ:	Get back to that water-tower!
CLOWN:	Oh, please, no, I'm not a well clown!
PLOTZ:	Go!!!
CLOWN:	Yeah. 'Bye.
PLOTZ:	Oh, baby, is that clown gonna get it!! Yyyyes!!!
DR. S.:	There, there, Mr. Plotz. I think we need to go back to the couch, ja?
CLOWN:	Hey little birthday boy! I got my little clown car! <Vrooom> {Enter the Gladiators} Freunleven! Freunleven! Wanna see it? Oh, the nice boy opened the door! <Vroooom> I'm in the sky. <Crash!>
CLOWN:	I don't wanna do this no more. Boy? Don't hurt me no more! Hoyl! Don't with the booms! ... Does this mean no booms? Boy? Oh, puppy-boy!
WAKKO:	Bye-bye, Mr. Clown!
CLOWN:	Freungugenlevenschild!!!
YAKKO:	Hey, Wakko!
DOT:	Are you gonna look for us or what?
WAKKO:	I had to get rid of the clown. You're it! {Warners' theme}
DR. S.:	A clown is my friend. W & P: A clown is my friend.
DR. S.:	A clown will not bite me and throw me in the basement. W & P: A clown will not bite me and throw me in the basement.
CLOWN:	[Singing] "When the Whippoorwill / Whippers in the wind / The wind can whipper back..."
MARTIAN KIDS:	"Oh, nice and chubby baby!"
CLOWN:	I like it here!

BUBBA-BO-BOB-BRAIN

 

BRAIN:	Pinky, I believe I have conceived my most brilliant plan to date! I shall use subliminal mind-control to take over the world! ... Pinky?
TV:	Today's inside story is country mega-star Willie Ray Cyprus.
CYPRUS:	[On television, singing] "Don't tell my head, my empty hollow head"
PINKY & CYPRUS:	"You know I wouldn't understand!"
CYPRUS:	"Yep, yep, yep, Yepyepyep, yep!"
BRAIN:	It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob.
PINKY:	You have no idea.
BRAIN:	Pinky, do you know what a subliminal message is?
PINKY:	Something you leave on a subliminal telephone answering-machine?
BRAIN:	No. It is a recorded message perceived only by the subconscious human mind. I have recorded such a message! [Brain plays the tape] "Citizens of the world! You are under my control. You will do whatever I say."
PINKY:	Nice, mix, but it's not exactly danceable, is it?
BRAIN:	If people heard this message enough times, they would succumb to my control, and we could take over the world! What do you think, Pinky?
PINKY:	I think I'm getting dizzy, and I rather like it! Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hoo-hoo! Ah-wah-hah-hah-ha-hoo...
BRAIN:	Sometimes you hurt my head, Pinky. The only problem: how to get this message repeated world-wide airplay.
TV:	"Don't tell my head, my empty hollow head / You know I wouldn't understand/ Yep, yep, yep, yepyepyep, yep / You know I wouldn't understand!"
GIRL #1:	[On television] I just adore Willie Ray!
GIRL #2:	I listen to his song twenty times a day!
BRAIN:	Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
PINKY:	Wuh, I think so, Brain, but — burlap chafes me so.
BRAIN:	Country music, Pinky! I will go to Nashville and become the biggest country-music star of all time! Everyone will hear my record! And my subliminal message! And I will take over the world!
PINKY:	Egad, Brain! Oh, but, no, no — it takes people years of hard work to become famous, Brain! {I Dream of Jeanie} Like, take Kathie Lee Gifford, for example: she did community theatre and-- <THUMP>
BRAIN:	Stop talking, Pinky. I must think.
BRAIN:	I have calculated every ingredient necessary to become a country music megastar. Read me the list, Pinky!
PINKY:	A cowboy hat!
BRAIN:	Check.
PINKY:	A southern dialect!
BRAIN:	Check... y'all.
PINKY:	Nice, Brain. Working class values.
BRAIN:	I enjoy beef jerky and the comedy stylings of Gallagher. Check.
PINKY:	A song.
BRAIN:	Check.
PINKY:	A name consisting of no less than three words.
BRAIN:	From now on, I shall be 'Bubba Bo Bob Brain'. Check.
PINKY:	And, a height of at least six feet.
BRAIN:	Aaagh-- Drat. There must be some way for me to increase my height.
PINKY:	Hmmm. Let me think.
BRAIN:	Don't hurt yourself, Pinky. {Some Strauss thing}
BRAIN:	Faster, Pinky, faster!
PINKY:	Whooa-whoa-whoop!
BRAIN:	You amaze me, Pinky.
PINKY:	Well, I do my best!
BRAIN:	Proceed, Pinky! <Zip> Ti-yi-yippee-yi-yo! How do I look?
PINKY:	Oh, very nice, Brain!
BRAIN:	It's Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain. You are my manager, Colonel Pinky. {Pinky and the Brain theme} You discovered me playing guitar on the front porch of my humble pig farm. Any questions?
PINKY:	Oh, just one — when you farm humble pigs, how far apart do you have to plant them?
BRAIN:	If I could reach you, I would hurt you. But for now — on to Nashville!
PINKY:	On to Nashville!
BRAIN:	<SMASH> This is a pain that is going to linger. {Pinky and the Brain Theme}
BRAIN:	Two tickets to Nashville, please.
TICKET-LADY:	Whoo-eee! You're a tall drink of water, ain'tcha, darling?
BRAIN:	Actually, I'm a lab mouse on stilts.
LADY:	At least he didn't ask me to pull his finger.
PINKY:	Egad, Bibby-Boo-Bob-Brain, road trips are so exciting!
BRAIN:	It's Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain, Pinky.
PINKY:	Right, sorry. Zort!
BRAIN:	Concentrate, Pinky, concentrate! <SMASH> YeS! This pain will definitely be with me a while! {Animaniacs Theme}
PINKY:	The Rowdy Ranch Nightclub. What we doing here, Booby-Baa-Baa-Brain?
BRAIN:	It's Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain; and according to statistics, an inordinate number of country-western superstars have gotten their start at this very establishment.
PINKY:	Egad! Do you suppose Minnie Pearl performed here?
BRAIN:	One can only hope... <SMASH>
GUY:	"I am a telephone repairman from this area..."
BRAIN:	When I give the signal, play the subliminal-message tape.
PINKY:	Right-o, Bibby-Be-Bop-A-Loola!
BRAIN:	Sometimes you frighten me, Pinky.
ANNOUNCER:	And now a newcomer, Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain!
BRAIN:	Howdy, you all. Here's a little ditty I wrote. Hope you enjoy it. You all. [Singing] "I am a lab mouse, I escaped from my cage. / Never had a job, never earned minimum wage."
GUY:	[From audience] He ain't half bad.
GIRL:	[From audience] He ain't half good, either.
BRAIN:	"But you will respect me, YeS, once my plan is unfurled / You will call me your leader, I'll be king of the world!" Now, Pinky!
TAPE:	Citizens of the world, you are under my control. You will do whatever I say. Buy my record and listen to it twenty times a day.
GUY:	Let's buy his record.
GIRL:	And listen to it twenty times a day.
DJ:	I don't know about y'all, but I can't get enough Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain. Let's hear it again!
HOST:	Well, he's the hottest thing to hit Nashville since my mamma's jalapeno grits — here's Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain!
DOLLY:	I'm your biggest fan! Whaddya say to that?
BRAIN:	I'd say puberty was inordinately kind to you.
AUDIENCE:	[Laughs]
DOLLY:	Ha-ha! G'wan!
CAST:	Yee-Haw!!
GIRL:	Hey, Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain! I just got back from France!
BRAIN:	How'd you find it?
GIRL:	I used a map! [They laugh]
GARTH:	...And the country tune award for best male vocal goes to...
GAYLE:	Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain! <Cheers>
PINKY:	Egad! Yippee! Narf! [Laughs]
BRAIN:	You're embarrassing me, Pinky. Pardon my effervescence, but your accolade is more than any bucolic mouse merits.
GAYLE:	What's he sayin'?
GARTH:	I don't know!
BRAIN:	I'd like to thank my momma and Elvis.
GAYLE:	Oh, how nice!
GARTH:	Well, isn't that nice!
MARY HARTLESS:	I'm outside the Grand Ole Opry, where tonight's concert featuring country-music sensation Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain is being televised world-wide! In two words, Bubba is hot!
KENNY:	[Singing] "You gotta know how to cut 'em, know how to shuffle, know how to deal the cards before you play Fish with me."
BRAIN:	Do you realise what will happen if the world hears my song just one more time?
PINKY:	An angel will get its wings?
BRAIN:	No, Pinky! My subliminal message will take permanent hold, and the world will be under my control!
PINKY:	Oh, that.
BRAIN:	Now — do you remember what you have to do?
PINKY:	Yes — I need to make a dental appointment. I have horrible plaque build-up.
BRAIN:	The tape, Pinky, the tape!
PINKY:	Oh, right! When you give the signal, I play the tape!
KENNY:	And now, I'd like to introduce--
BRAIN:	This is it — I'm on!
PINKY:	Good luck, Booba-Bib-Bup-Brain!
BRAIN:	How many times do I have to tell you! My name is--
KENNY:	Bubba-Bo-Bob-Brain! [Audience cheering]
BRAIN:	Yee-haw! Let's start this hootenanny! "I am a lab mouse, I escaped from my cage. / Never had a job, never earned minimum wage. / But you will respect me, yeS, once my plan is unfurled! [Audience joins in:] You will call me your leader, I'll be king of the world!"
BRAIN:	Now, Pinky!
TAPE:	You are under my control. You will do whatever I say.
CROWD:	I will do whatever he says. Whatever he says. Whatever he says. Whatever he says.
PINKY:	Way to go, Blubber-Boo-Bean-Brain! Narf!
BRAIN:	Do me a favour and forget my name! While you're at it, forget you ever knew me!!
AUDIENCE:	Hey! Who's that skinny guy on stage? Who is he? Get him off! I wanna see someone famous! [Booing]
MARY:	[On television] Tonight's inside story: a complete unknown somehow made it onto the stage at the Grand Ole Opry...
BRAIN:	Turn that off, Pinky. I'm trying to concentrate on a better plan for tomorrow night.
PINKY:	Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?
BRAIN:	The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world! "They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!"

WHEEL OF MORALITY

 

	{Warners' theme}
YAKKO:	It's that time again!
WAKKO:	To remember the Alamo?
DOT:	To do another one of our cute little skits?
YAKKO:	No. It's time to learn today's lesson! And to find out what it is, we turn to...the Wheel Of Morality! Wheel of Morality, Turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. ... Moral #3. And the moral of today's story is: Elvis lives on in our hearts, in his music, and in a trailer park outside Milwaukee.
DOT:	I'm speechless.
WAKKO:	Sort of gets you right here, doesn't it? <Urrrrp!> Pardon! <FWEEEEET!>
Y,W,D:	Yipe!! {Warners' theme}

Fire Eater — Kathryn Page

Y,W,D: Flamiel!

(C) 1993 Warner Bros. and Amblin Entertainment.
All rights marinated in a light camphor oil.
Transcribed September 1, 1995.